SurvivingInfidelityReviews 57

In case some of you don't know the definition of Groupthink, I'll save you the trouble of Googling it. Here's a description from Psychology Today:

"What Is Groupthink?

Groupthink occurs when a group of well-intentioned people make irrational or non-optimal decisions that are spurred by the urge to conform or the discouragement of dissent. This problematic or premature consensus may be fueled by a particular agenda or simply because group members value harmony and coherence above rational thinking. In a groupthink situation, group members refrain from expressing doubts and judgments or disagreeing with the consensus."

So in a nutshell, If you actually possess critical thinking skills and the ability to make your own decisions, you will be shouted down and scolded by the mods on this site. And in the end you'll probably be banned anyway.

Dailystrength.org is a better alternative.

I looked at the site after not reading for over 2 years. Nothing has changed. I saw DS has passed away, which is sad. She was not great to deal with, though. Had her favorites and the rest were targeted. She still flirted with the men that posted on there. Disgusting. Wincing At The Light is still spewing his barely contained rage nonsense. Even though his wife was a cheater I felt sorry for her. She was dealing with a mental illness and he played mind games with here. How sad. Funny thing is, though he's lauded on there as a wizard of wisdom he cheated on his ex wife with his current wife, so guess what? That makes him a cheater too. Sick sad man.

I don't think I've ever seen such a large gathering of completely deluded, misguided simpletons as I've seen compiled on this pathetic website. These people all think they're qualified to diagnose complete strangers over the internet.

And their reigning Delusion Queen, Sister Milkshake, is just a complete idiot. She's a large turd in a little bowl and actually thinks some people are jealous of her 'successful reconciliation.' LMAO! Her pig husband screwed around with a woman for 7+ years.

Let that soak in for a minute, folks. 7 YEARS.

He even admitted to her that the sex was hot (obviously - why else would he stick around for 7 years?) Not only did this pathetic loser take this low life cheater back, but she brags about how 'successful' her reconciliation is. I'm willing to bet her husband sees her for the pitiful Stage IV Clinger she actually is because he got to have his fun for 7 long years and she's STILL there, with her claws buried in him. So now he knows he can go out and have more fun because his desperate wife will be right there ready to take him back.

How on earth she can even look in the mirror and not cringe at the level of desperation she's sunk to is beyond me.

And THAT'S who you'll be getting your 'advice' from. She and her other long-time minions who have also sold their souls just to hold onto a cheater. These are people with just NO pride or self respect at all.

And as the others have already said, the mods are bunch of self-important douche canoes who act as though moderating that farce of a board is an honor bestowed upon them from on high. Yeah, as IF. Smh.

As long as you're willing to spew the same group-think nonsense to every BS who posts - and you don't DARE have a different opinion - the mods leave you alone. But God forbid you stray from the sheep-think mentality and dare to speak the truth - they can't handle it and will ban you.

Let me tell you something. Spend an hour or two reading the drivel these supposed 'reconciled' members on that board post on the Reconciliation Board. If they're not gnashing their teeth over just having found condoms in hubby's car or panicking over hidden texts they found on his SnapChat, then they're crying that their husbands still aren't making an effort towards them to make things better in their 'reconciliation.' They'll back pat each other and encourage each other to keep going because it will get 'better.' Good God. The delusion never ends.

If THAT'S reconciliation, then I choose death by dismemberment. Screw that.

My screen name was cobalt77. I was a betrayed girlfriend writing on the site for months. The site did give influence for me to end the toxic 2-year relationship I was in, although probably too soon, but not without ridiculing me, telling me I have no standards, and telling me o become not just single but a lonely sexless little person. Anytime I expressed a desire to date or have sex (which I was yearning to finally do now that I was free, as I had been in a sexless relationship with my wayward ex-boyfriend), they would shoot me down and tell me I needed psych therapy. Can you imagine, an adult actually wanting to have sex and eventually enter a relationship, marry, and start a family? They acted like I was too damaged to do these things, then wondered why I had such low self esteem. They were also hypocrites because so many of them were dating after their divorces or separations. I had "mad hatter" people condemning me for fantasizing about having revenge cheated on my wayward ex-boyfriend before he became my ex. Mad hatter = someone who cheated on their cheater/wayward spouse. Technically that is hypocritical. At least my revenge cheating fantasies were just thoughts and fantasies, fantasized AFTER I was already single, so obviously no way to act on those fantasies even if I wanted to. So many threads had people admitting their own "revenge affair" desires and others saying that it's a normal reaction for a betrayed to contemplate revenge cheating after D-day. Yet when I expressed my own revenge affair fantasies, I got the finger wagging and condemned as if I was a small child in trouble at school. Overall I felt belittled and talked down to like I was a child. Catwoman was the one I couldn't stand. She had an annoying way with words and always had some sort of condescending advice for me to spend a life full o' solitude, celibacy, and therapy, and frequently compared me to her younger daughters. Like she has room to talk; she stayed with a cheater through 10-20yrs of cheatings and 3 D-days before she finally left. I also experienced blame from her and others anytime I wrote about a man or past ex-boyfriend cheating on me or disrespecting me. Like I have control over men and how they choose to act, right. Every time I wrote about another dating life failure I experienced, I cringed at the idea of Catwoman finding my thread and having some advice confirming her embarrassingly low perception of me and my social skills. Lo and behold, she always seemed to find my lamenting threads and would comment on them even after I told her not to. During one such thread, she outright called me a "socially awkward loser liar". Funny how I got in trouble with site mods for my bitter snark to her, but she never got a smidgen of trouble for name calling. It seems Catwoman is one of the site favorites, in the same posse with Sister Milkshake and others. I felt embarrassed to even write about my problems anymore for fear of ridicule. I ended up banned after I snitched to a site mod about Catwoman name calling me. I can honestly say I feel no better about myself or my dating life problems after coming to this site. Still not sure why I got banned.

If your spouse has cheated on you and you come to this website youll be told none of its your fault. Which is true. But how easy did you make it for your spouse to $#*! someone else? Did you deny your spouse sex? Did you routinely put your spouse down? I bet you did. While cheating is a total choice, all you $#*!ty spouses made it an easy choice. Own it.

This website is $#*!. The people who were cheated on suck, just as the much as the ones who cheated. No one is innocent.

If your self esteem is shot and you need validation from a bunch of whackjobs, then this is the perfect place for you! In my experience, its nothing but a bunch of spiteful bitties and horny middle-aged single men who disgustingly hit on vulnerable women under the cloak of support. People talk about catfishing their spouses and filing divorce just as an expensive mind game to shock and control a spouse. The groupthink and bitter, judgementalism reminds you of a Trump Rally!

This site saved my sanity. Having a supportive group of people whove experienced the same nightmare is invaluable. They offer a wide range of advice for you to consider - and advise you to take what you need and leave the rest!

Follow the rules of the site and youll be fine with the moderators. Their job is to keep the site a safe place for betrayed and wayward spouses to seek help - so its simple, read the guidelines!

Its painfully obvious the negative reviews are from former members who broke the rules one too many times (and probably responded with disrespect when called on it.) I even recognize the writing voice of one of the banned members - unremorseful waywards who join the site only to terrorize their betrayed wife are quickly banned (see my point about keeping the site safe! NPDs need not apply!)

You are under no obligation to register. Read the site and decide for yourself. Everyday I read This site has been a life saver! It was for me - its even helped my marriage thrive after the destruction of infidelity - Six years reconciled and going strong!

So take a look and find a way to heal. Hopefully youll stick around to help new members and pay the healing forward! :)

Update/Edit:

I understand that Deeply Scared (DS) passed away from cancer. I had no idea she was facing this struggle at the same time as there appeared to be some very harsh smack downs of well-respected members and contributors. Perhaps DS was seeking control in the one area of her life she still was able to control. While I do not condone the way some of us were treated during that time, putting it in context of her life struggle is helpful and warranted.

I would also like to add that polygraph and post-nuptial agreements are a common recommendation in infidelity recovery programs and from counselors trained in dealing with infidelity and the trauma experienced by the betrayed spouse. These are not SI constructs, but rather safety measures to provide a foundation from which to move forward.

The site is overrun by bitter so-called reconciling spouses, the most bitter are the betrayed. The strange thing is they try and bring others into their misery by giving out dangerous and harmful advice.

The point for most is to reconcile at all costs. Many have been hanging on for years and are just as miserable as when they found out.

SisterMilkshake is the leader of the recon brigade. She cant see that when she posts about her husband and marriage she comes across as very bitter and unhappy. If that is recon Ill take divorce for $200, Alec... She also lays the blame at the feet of the woman he cheated with. She goes as far as to say the woman was a predator and frames her husband as a helpless victim.

Find a healthier site to get advice on infidelity, or better yet, find a therapist. The Haeling Library everyone at SI points new members to is full of articles and advice from current and previous members, virtually nothing from experts in marriage counseling or psychology.

I was a member 10 years ago for a time. I was banned shortly but still follow it like the proverbial train wreck, because it's fodder for my novel or my thesis. Seriously, don't go there looking for anything helpful these days -- it's groupthink at its worst. Armchair psychologists, $#*!s telling you right and wrong. When I joined it was helpful to me because the members were largely good people with some compassion, but it's turned into something else altogether. If you have been cheated on and need a resource, redirect your energy to Chumplady.com, who is worlds ahead in wisdom.

SI is high school. It's a group of mostly bitter women that gang up and ostracize anyone that doesn't buy the bull, and it is bull. These people are not experts or in any way qualified to give much of the outrageous advice they give.

If you don't agree you're told "we've been here. We have experience ". No, they've experienced something. That's very different than having experience. I've flown many times. I've experienced flying. That doesn't mean I can fly the flipping plane.

I joined as a betrayed spouse. I left and found best choice is a trained professional or just making smart protective choices and taking time to heal.

This has really turned into a social site with the "stars" being insulting, insufferable and dangerous. The male king WAL or Wincing At The Light is a cheater that married his fling. He is a fraud. Many of them are. There are far better places out there including just hanging in there knowing that being cheated on is not rare and people survive it all the time.

SI, like any forum is made up of people, flawed people.

Most are trying to navigate the waters of infidelity and are seeking direction.

It is not a one size fits all approach nor is it a magic place that will fix all of your heartache or pain. It is simply people sharing their experiences and perhaps something helps or resonates but sometimes it doesn't or we aren't ready to hear what is being said.

It is a great place if it works for you and if it doesn't that is okay too.

It truly has been a god send for me but that is just me. It has helped me examine my thoughts, feelings and approaches toward infidelity and has also allowed me to share, vent and express my heartache.

We are not all kool-aide drinkers or flying monkeys.:-)

Wishing everyone peace, however you find it.

While this site might appear to be a good place to go if you're lost and looking for direction due to being cheated on, the sad and simple truth is that you'll be convinced to stay with your cheater no matter HOW horrendous your situation is. And God FORBID you don't drink the Kool-Aid and promote leaving a cheater, you're an infidel.

I've seen Sister Milkshake mentioned quite a bit in these reviews - and not positively. What a self important tool she is, thinking she's so very wise. She's just another pathetic example of someone with no expectations in life at all and whose chosen to eat at the Sh*t Sandwich Cafe for the rest of her life. Yeah, that's someone I want to emulate.

The 'group think' is that therapy is the magic cure for everything. Just send your lying, cheating, manipulative, abusive cheater to some therapist because they're 'broken,' and they'll emerge right as rain! Yessir! Such a load of hogwash.

Also, be prepared for just about every cheater to be 'diagnosed' by the members as having "FOO" issues, being a Narcissist, having Borderline Personalty Disorder, or their FAVORITE one, "he's a sex addict!" Just look through the "Reconciliation" board and you'll see a bunch of sad sacks in there, still married to these creeps who've cheated so many times and these pitiful women just continually delude each other into staying with these cheating losers. You can actually smell their desperation from HERE.

Joining this site is like having your own membership to the Desperado's Club. If you're desperate enough to want to cling to some cheating butt-munch at ALL costs, join up. They'll have you swallowing your pride and self respect in no time at all.

Real I if you're a teacher than you will know that plagiarism tools need a much bigger sample to accurately assess commonalities than the length of a typical review.

In the interest of disclosure I'l caveat this by saying I am banned from the site (I had an argument with that awful Deeply Scared who's apparently now being canonised or something) but check it every now and then for curiosity sake - it's kind of like a bad movie you can't stop watching.

My biggest concern with SI is that it keeps people wallowing in infidelity and encourages members to take betrayal on as a key factor of their personality rather than as horrible thing that happened as part of their life experience. Yes Ive been betrayed but I am not going to make it a major focus of my life story, SI normalises hyper victimisation. I see new members take on the bitterness of the old, the typical narrative is betrayed spouse = pure, innocent and virginal; unfaithful partner = weak, manipulated and broken; Other person= all powerful manipulator who carries all fault.

It's the typical Disney narrative thats so unhelpful to adult relationships in fact one recent poster referred to herself as Snow White being cast into an evil nightmare. Sweet, innocent betrayed wife is in a fairytale fantasy with her prince until the evil OW comes along, casts a spell and magically turns the prince into a different creature. No one is all good or all bad and this type of thinking covers up the real issues that probably played out in the marriage before the infidelity occurred, its not helpful.

The moderators recently warned members to be nice as new members had recently left as they felt bullied so things have been fairly benign of late with the old clique staying away. It's the 'old timers' who are the issue and yes I agree Sister Milkshake is the WORST! She's not catty toward other members per se but her disordered thinking and inability to move on is a terrible influence, plus her posts are rough and tacky she sounds like she's posting from the corner of a biker bar.

The BS on the site do not want change or improvement. They want to be told R is possible if you give it enough time. I'm an active member (not banned), and I've watched the site go downhill for years now. Any advice that doesn't keep a BS holding onto the tiniest place of hope is no longer welcome. Sistermilkshake leads the team of mean girls that pounce on unpopular opinions and advice. But then, when she gets called out on her own bitterness she disappears for several weeks at a time, basically until people forget how nasty and mean she is and it blows over.

The site has become a train wreck that is hard to look away from.

"You can't 'nice' them back" is a common phrase at SI, and pretty much sums up what the site is all about.

The best way to end an affair and save a marriage is to shock the folks engaging in this errant, fantasy-based behavior back to reality. This is not always pretty, and can be counter intuitive for those stuck in this situation, who's world has just been shattered. It is the *only* way that works though. At some level we all know that -this site drives the point home and proves it's truth thousands of times over.